Digital Intimacy versus Authentic Connection

I saw a post that the "Angry Therapist" made on Instagram about "Instamacy", a term he coined for this kind of fake intimacy we experience when people create social media posts designed to reel us in with feelings of intimate connection to their page or post. Honestly, I've been feeling the impact of this kind of marketing on my mental health for years, noticing myself feeling like I'm closer to people I hardly know, prioritizing time on my phone scrolling social media versus taking the time to connect more intimately with my friends or family in the real world. This is a really big issue that goes beyond just doomscrolling. Corporations that design these "metaverses" are leveraging loneliness and cheap dopamine to keep our attention span hooked and then feeding us algorithms that train our brains how to think and feel.

But let's take a step back, because this isn't about social media or corporations, this is about your friend group, your community, that spiritual influencer that everyone is talking about. Content creators are learning to better augment the experience of intimacy, and the impact on your mental health isn't always a net positive. You might think, "Oh yeah, my feed is all these positive affirmations, feel-good posts, empathic reflections and pop psychology, how could that do any harm?" Well, I'm not saying that following your favourite therapy or wellness influencer is inherently a bad thing, but consider the nature of how our dopamine system works. Our brain will continually wire in relation to what we expose ourselves to. If we are used to reels and posts, which are cheap dopamine, high-arousal pseudo-intimate experiences (similar to pornography, interestingly) we are going to continue to seek these types of experiences unconsciously. If we approach real intimacy with the expectation that it will feel in any way similar to the brief and transactional interactions we experience online, we will be headed towards some serious relationship issues.

So I propose that we consider how much time we spend on our phones engaging with our "friends", some of which are our actual friends in real life and ensure that we prioritize more time to connect with others in person in a more organic and fulfilling way. Don't just settle for "cheap carbs" intimacy-wise, go for the full meals, feed your heart what it deserves, and if you're addicted to this form of Instamacy or "bite-sized" connections, take a phone/social media break, spend time in nature and maybe go sit by a fire with some close friends.